Why does it really matter to me?
Teaching a course in the emotional education of a child is part of what I do to fulfil my mission in this beautiful life.
On Tuesday, 10 December, as a PEP mum, I took part in a Family Studio programme about the responsibilities, chores and feelings of parenthood in the run-up to the festive season.
Every year during Advent, I talk about the feelings and responsibilities of mums in the run-up to Christmas - from getting presents for the family and the 20 children in the kindergarten group, to planning the logistics of the festivities, organising the house and preparing the festive feast. That's why this year I've launched a campaign Miracles start with you!in which I would like to focus on this mental burden that often falls on the shoulders of mothers in families.
You can listen to the broadcast Spotify, Apple, Google, as well as a short report on the programme read below or HERE.
If you have several children, you may need to keep an entire excel spreadsheet to plan the logistics of all the clubs, schools, kindergartens and other activities. But in December, when schools and other institutions also look forward to Christmas, the challenges are even greater and another planning table may be needed. Can it all be managed and how? What if it is not possible to have two children at concerts at the same time? How to afford it all and keep the joy of the festivities too? Elīna Kļaviņa, PEP mum, Head of the Children's Emotional Education Course, Elza Lāma, motherhood researcher, PhD candidate in social sciences at the University of Latvia, and Edīte Čamane, mum of nine from Ilūkste. In this recording we hear from Laura Valaine, psychotherapist.
Although Christmas is associated with endless joy - big and small are invited to a variety of truly heartfelt events outside the home and slowly families prepare for the moment when everyone will sit down together at the festive table, enjoy more special foods, open the presents provided by the elf with bated breath and then laugh and sing together. However, the anticipated joy, at least in families with children, is interspersed with worries about whether everything will be on time - mums feel guilty about forgetting the crayons for the children's concert or fear that the elf might fall asleep and not put the daily surprise in his Christmas stocking. That's according to a survey of 426 mums. The survey was initiated by Elīna Kļaviņa, one of the participants in this conversation.
Every second mum feels emotionally and organisationally overwhelmed before the holidays. This means that Mum has to keep in mind and plan for all the Christmas activities at nurseries, schools and at home.
During the very busy festive season, parents need to be able to structure the work to be done, to plan their time realistically. If you can't cope with everything, you have to accept it and take a breath, psychotherapist Laura Valaine said on the Latvian Radio programme "Ģimenes studija".
If you have several children, you may need to keep an entire excel spreadsheet to plan the logistics of all the clubs, schools, kindergartens and other activities. But in December, when schools and other institutions are also looking forward to Christmas, the challenges are even greater and you may need another planning spreadsheet.
The task for mums during the festive season is huge, says Elīna Kļaviņa. Elza Lama agrees, saying that the second load is very real for mums. At Christmas time, there is even more congestion, with no pre-existing work.
Edīte Čamane, a mother of nine children, doesn't see the holidays as a big hassle or a work jam, because for her every day is a challenge, it's not just Christmas time, it's everyday life for mums of many children. She and her husband share all the Christmas chores, which is very supportive.
A mum writes on the radio that the chat conversations on parents' soctnets are very annoying. They are especially active during the holidays. Sometimes she asks fathers to log out of the chats if they find it too burdensome - then it's more of a duty for mums, and emotionally difficult too. The financial aspect also worries mums, said Elīna Kļaviņa.
In her research, Elza Lama has found that parents often feel guilty during the festive season, stemming from their financial situation, emotions in group chats and different views on how the festivities should go.
Sometimes mums have to learn to say "no" when it comes to the financial side of the festivities, according to Edīte Čamane.
Holidays increase workload. Most of them are already coping, and in the past mums have certainly coped. The more anxiety, the more they live with the feeling that everything is important and has to be done. You have to be able to create a structure, to actually plan what to do. Anxiety is a danger signal. Then you have to analyse what the danger could be, what is the worst that could happen, to see if there are really significant consequences. "We look at the point at which joy disappears, then we have to take a breath," urges psychotherapist Laura Valaine.
Maybe make a to-do list, then you can delegate some of the work to Dad? A mum of nine believes that those who have children know that it is impossible to plan everything; there are jobs that can be planned, but not all jobs. Over the years, my mother has also changed her attitude to changing plans and setting priorities.
