Why does it really matter to me?
Teaching a course in the emotional education of a child is part of what I do to fulfil my mission in this beautiful life.
This week, two support groups came together to focus on needs, but you know what?
It's about those difficult moments when a child is whiny, when he is difficult, angry, can't understand what he wants, how to help, whether to draw boundaries, discipline, punish.
These are the times when, if you don't have the strength yourself, if you haven't had enough sleep, you get the urge to "sulk" and maybe shout at the baby.
My parents ask me: "What can I do to prevent this from happening? I feel so bad! Of course, I discuss the situation with the child afterwards, apologise, we make up. But that's not what I want to experience and give to my child!"
Yes, you must take responsibility for your actions. You are an adult. But you are also human!
Every "retreat" is a signal to turn all my senses inwards to feel, explore and understand what it is that I need right now to regain my strength.
You know how it feels after a good night's sleep, when you are rested, when the children are not just on your strong shoulders, but there is another responsible adult in the room to keep you safe. The child's needs can't keep you from being so overwhelmed.
But if it happens, as it can happen quite often with young children, that you don't manage to get any sleep or they are really all yours for days (or always, if you are solo), then what? Because it's clear that you get "snuggles".
My super-smart question to you in such cases is: what are your needs when you feel guilty, angry with yourself, with life, with a situation?
What can a person need at such times?
And there is no need - I want it not to have happened! It's happened, you've had enough shit. What is it that you need?
We talked in groups that there is no need for someone to come and tell us: "Hey, I've had that too! It happens to everyone! Forgive yourself, apologise to the children and move on!"
Accepting support - someone who can listen and accept your anger and guilt, listen and be there with you in that moment - was named, not someone who rescues.
What is it that you need in those moments?
If it's all too much, remember that I'm here - you can reach me by message, or for a broader, deeper conversation - PEP at a mum's consultation.
