Why does it really matter to me?
Teaching a course in the emotional education of a child is part of what I do to fulfil my mission in this beautiful life.
This time I wanted to share with you a practical strategy that can help for real change your approach to parenting
To put this strategy into practice, you will need a strong will and a commitment that is important to you.
Commit to what? Well, for example, "I don't want to yell at the kids anymore!" Or: "I want to learn to listen, to be there for my child's strong emotions, not always to rescue and cajole."
Implementation steps:
1. Take a piece of paper and describe a situation in which you shouted at a child.
Answer the questions:
- What happened before this situation? What did you do? What did the child do?
- What did the child do that made you shout at him?
- What were your emotions at the moment that triggered the screaming?
- What was the purpose of your shouting? What did you want to achieve?
- What exactly did the child have to do to stop you shouting?
- How would you like him to act?
- Are his actions up to him or to adults?
- Could his actions have been influenced by development or an unmet need?
2. Write down how you would have liked to react at that moment? What words would you like to say? In what voice would you speak? What is it that you would do?
3. The next time a similar or the same situation happens again, before reacting in the old way, take a breath and try to react as you wrote it down, i.e. as you wanted. If you fail and still scream in the heat of your feelings, stop yourself and say to yourself, "Stop, I must not scream. I'll try again and say..."
The first times will be very awkward because our brains are not used to reacting in this way, to using these words. Give them a chance to learn a new way!
Similarly, you can describe situations from your child's perspective and be clear about what you can and want your child to do.
The next time your child acts in a way that is not acceptable to you, you will already know what to ask.
For example, "Andrej, I can see that you are angry, but you must not hit. Please try again and say in words - I am angry!" If Andrei does not speak yet, ask him to show, for example, his angry face.
If you're at the point where you don't understand why your toddler gets angry at the same time, then my little mini-course "Caring for the big emotions of a little person" will be useful for you. There are 8 short videos on the causes of tantrums and what to do about them. Price 35eur. You can view and buy the course here: https://elinaklavina.lv/online-kursi/rupes-par-mazo-cilveku-lielajam-emocijam/
But for a comprehensive and in-depth exploration of child development, I invite you to apply for the autumn For the Child Emotional Education (CEA) course.
