In The Queen's Gambit (2020), there is a small episode where the main character Beth talks to her stepmother about a lost game. The stepmother, comforting her daughter, says that sometimes you have to lose, and it wasn't really a lost game at all, but the grand prize will be split in half. Beth did not find this reassurance comforting.
It is so difficult to be there for a child when they are experiencing pain, loss, hardship, anger, rejection, and because of all this, without being able to recognise and consciously regulate their emotions, they can say hurtful things to their parents.
When you give your child most of your energy, time, care and love, these statements come like a cold shower of water. At first they are stunning, then they cause resentment and anger, which can turn into harsh reproaches.
If only we all had the wisdom to pause and respond as calmly and wisely as Beth's stepmother did.
What does it require?
The fact that your child allows you to say all this means that you are communicating. The child therefore knows, on an unconscious level, that he/she can express negative emotions in your presence.
Your task at that point would be to name the emotion(s) the child is experiencing, what it is about.
"You feel angry that you have to stop watching cartoons now. They are so interesting that you want to watch them again and again, don't you?"
Sometimes we can give words to express these emotions in a respectful way.
In the whirlwind of strong emotions, the little man has found the most painful and harsh words he can imagine. This does not show anything about his (dis)love for you, but rather lets you know how angry he is.
Imagine that the child is the ocean and that you are a lofty and stable rock, willingly allowing yourself to absorb the larger and smaller waves of the child's emotions, reminding yourself: 'This too can be! In this storm, I will be here to support you!"
We talk about emotions, how to communicate respectfully with a child, how to teach boundaries, respect for others and oneself, what to expect and what to count on when raising a child from birth to 6 years of age in the Emotional Education of the Child course: https://elinaklavina.lv/kursi/berna-emocionala-audzinasana-tiessaistes-kurss/
And if your rock-solid stamina is currently being tested by the big tantrums of a 1-3 year old and you've already done the BEA course and just need a good reminder and valuable practical advice, you can also buy the online mini-course "Caring for Little People's Big Emotions" - https://elinaklavina.lv/online-kursi/rupes-par-mazo-cilveku-lielajam-emocijam/