Where is the border?

I received a question: where is the limit that a child can also disobey my adult order/system? What is it where he can make his adjustments?

What decisions can the child influence?

This question can be answered differently if the age and other details of the child are known.

Can the child adjust bedtime? Yes, if he/she is 14 years old (and even then there will be some restrictions).

Can the child adjust what they eat for dinner? Yes, if it's not the dinner that night, which is already cooked. We can discuss tomorrow.

Can a child at the age of two decide that a cat should not come into our house? No.

But he may stipulate that toys on his toy shelf must not be touched without his permission.

And that he may not want his mother to sit on his bed. And the omelette will say, "Thank you for telling me. I will take it into consideration. Then I will sit here, on this chair. You are very good at talking about your needs!"

And we could go on like this forever.

There are universal rules that must be followed

For example, you must not do harm, you must not tear things, you must speak respectfully, politely, it is good to cooperate, wait your turn, etc.

BUT it takes time for a little person to learn these rules. It takes patience and the ability to assess what the child needs at what time. It also requires being aware of your own needs and limits.

We should not artificially "train" and "not give in", because "life is not going to be all "yes", let them learn that there can be "no" too, that they have to do it even if they don't want to".

Do not demand unquestioning obedience, because "otherwise there will be no respect and you will learn that parents are soft and can be manipulated".

A child brings its own adjustments to the world when it arrives

Adults provide all the care a child needs to grow and develop in a safe environment.

To provide quality care, new habits, routines and systems need to be introduced into the lives of adults.

The child fits into adult life very precisely, interacting with the environment and people, responding to the established order and system.

Let children try out the "burden of responsibility" with small trials, observing when they have grown to the point where they are able to take on some independence.

Be observant researchers.

More on respectful communication with your child, setting boundaries and what to expect at different stages of your child's development In the Emotional Education of the Child course. The next group starts at the beginning of December!

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